


Uptoplands

by No_Bark



Category: EXO (Band), K-pop
Genre: Dystopia, M/M, Post-Apocalypse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-21
Updated: 2018-10-21
Packaged: 2019-08-05 08:34:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16364486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/No_Bark/pseuds/No_Bark
Summary: Sehun, a communist soldier for the Red Sun Nation, is caught by The Defiance, an ex-communist anarchist faction, in the post-apocalyptic Korea, year 2127.Getting accustomed to the anarchist society wasn't that hard, but not feeling alone and staying alive was a task of its' own.





	Uptoplands

The smoke in the air covered the ceiling. Trash everywhere, the dust floated in the air. The light flickered at the top. Some empty bottles of whiskey here and there, broken clothing on their bodies, showing the skin as broken. Dirty hair and stressed out faces, lines drawn on the map, red circles and blue dashes, green strokes and purple triangles. 

The woman with long brown hair had her hair tied up on a knot. She huffed when drawing yet another line that made the tall man next to him grunt, immediately rubbing it off. And that made the lady want to pull out her gun and point it to his head, shoot his brains out. But she wouldn't do that.

"You know the commies have populated that station. We're not using it", Kris groaned and sat back, waiting for Irene to do yet another mistake.

"Well what can we do?! We are surrounded by commies!" she yelled back, now standing up and hitting her hands against the table. Kris got up as quick and imitated what she was doing, ready to yell back at her.

"We have to go to the surface! Just listen to me once! You know that it's way safer to go through the mutants than soldiers!" 

"Oh yeah? And where do you think we'll get enough gas masks for all our men?! Will you just stand idle and watch as your friends turn into brainless zombies?!"

Kris and Irene always fought about tactics. Their hands slammed the table, they made plans that the other always erased. And Kai just sat there in his ripped and dirty wifebeater, ragged leather boots, worn out army green uniform pants, arms crossed on his chest. His head ached. He hadn't washed himself in days, just like all of them. But guess you have to work with what you have and forget about the things that you don't.

They heard noises from the halls. They shouldn't have, because it was evening and most people were sleeping. Two of their men were coming in, dragging a commie soldier with them. The poor guy had a panicked look on his face, he was crying and his clothes - an army green t-shirt, brown leather boots and dark green pants - were ripped apart, his body bruised only lightly. Seems that this guy didn't need that much of a beating to realize that The Defiance was the right political choice.

The three war tactic planners looked at the commie with unimpressed looks on their faces. They had seen this already, many times before, it didn't make them feel anything anymore. The only thing that caught Kai's attention, however, was how handsome the soldier was.

"A group of those bastards was walking in our tunnels, in Soongsil. You were the closest planners, so we brought him all the way here", Chanyeol explained as he threw the soldier on the ground on his stomach, kicking him once more. The soldier held his stomach, cried, and coughed up some blood. He tried to stand up, but the other man, D.O, kicked him too and he fell immediately.

"This was the only fucker we caught before the rest of them started running away", D.O said. The three before the table just looked at the soldier with cold eyes.

"Good. Keep him still. I want to do the honors", Irene stated as she took her 9mm pistol, stood up and pointed it towards the commie. D.O and Chanyeol helped the commie on his knees, holding him put from his arms. 

The young soldier shivered drastically, crying loudly. It made Kai feel kind of bad. And just then the soldier started begging.

"P-p-please d-d-don't kill me... I-I'll tell you e-e-everything I know..." he cried. Irene just smiled like a psychopath.

"We don't show mercy in war", she stated when readying herself to pull the trigger, but Kai lifted her arm before she could, making her shoot at the ceiling. The anger on her face could even make Kai shiver when she slowly turned to look at him.

The commie cried and didn't dare to look up, believing that he was dead or about to be. He shook terribly, his chest heaving in a rapid pace, filled with panic.

"...Didn't I just say that we don't show mercy in war, Kai?" Irene huffed when pointing the gun back to the soldier. But Kai pointed the gun back to the ceiling and took it from her hand, dropping all of its' bullets on the table.

"We're not killing him. This senseless killing has to end some day. The Defiance was about leaving Red Sun Nation. Then why won't we even try to convert commies to our side? We'll show them what real freedom is about, like the leaders before us showed our parents", he tried to explain. It impressed Kris, but Irene was skeptical. She just wanted to kill every last one of them.

"He has a point. The Defiance was originally a group of ex-communists", Kris stated, looking at the poor boy. "Besides, this one looks physically capable of even harder tasks. We just have to inure his character a little bit."

"A little bit? He's crying like a big baby while begging for his life", Irene huffed. "If he becomes one of us and the commies catch him again, what happens then? He'll die like a coward and reveal all of our plans."

"Then let's not put him in the battle. I'm sure he could be of use in one of the stations", Kai evaluated. "We need more people who can carry weapons and supplies. I'm sure he'd be very capable of that."

"Ah, and construction work", Kris sighed, thinking of his house's broken walls, then looking at the soldier. "You know, you'll get paid nicely if you do that kind of shit. Unlike in your commie stations. Or, you can do nothing, and slowly die from starvation."

Irene sighed deeply and walked around the table to kick the commie in the face. D.O and Chanyeol let go, letting the soldier fall on the ground. She put her boot on his head and let him kiss the dirty ground.

"Whatever. Let's lock him up and interrogate him first. We have to reveal the horrors of communism to him", and enlighten him with the true glory of anarchism. 

Then she walked back to the table, took her pistol and loaded it. One thing you have to always remember in the post-apocalyptic world: never go anywhere without a weapon. She looked at Kai and Kris with an arrogant look and walked away.

"We don't need you here anymore", Kris told Chanyeol and D.O who just nodded and walked out. Then he got up himself and walked to the soldier, grabbing his hair and forcing eye contact. "You better be of some use to us. I hope Kai is right. You should be thankful to him."

And with those words he just glanced at Kai once and took his magnum, then walked away, leaving Kai and the commie in the room alone. The soldier got up to sit on his knees, leaning his hands on the ground. He cried so much that his tears dropped from his chin onto the ground. He looked up slowly to meet Kai's cold glare and immediately dropped his head back down.

Kai got up and walked to the soldier. The latter backed away to the corner of the room, afraid that the other would hurt him.

"I'm taking you to our jail. It's for war purposes only, since we don't have law here", he explained when holding the commie's arm. The soldier stood up and followed him to the small room that had been an office before the bombs fell. There was a desk and a poor excuse of a bed as well as a chair. There was just four walls and a door that would be locked once Kai was out.

Kai helped the soldier to sit down on the mattress and he took the chair, sitting before the door so the other wouldn't even dare to even think about getting out. And then they were silent for a while.

"What's your name?" he started the interrogation. The commie sniffled and tried to dry his tears. 

"S-Sehun." His voice was nasal when he spoke, stuttering because of the crying. Or maybe because of something else, Kai couldn't tell. He also had a bit of a lisp.

"It's nice to meet you, Sehun. Everyone here calls me Kai. I am one of the... military leaders, war leaders, tactic planners... with Kris and Irene. We take care of everything that's related to the war in this area", Kai explained and the commie listened obediently. "I hope we didn't scare you."

"Y-you've k-k-killed... th-the others... b-b-before me..." he stuttered. Kai took a better position on the chair and just looked at the soldier worriedly.

"Yes. We have."

"...Th-then... wh-why s-s-spare me?"

Kai didn't want to say that he wanted Sehun to be his bitch, his stress ball, but that's exactly what was going inside his head the moment he laid eyes on the man. The war makes him really stressed about everything and he sure wouldn't mind if he had someone to relieve that stress on. A young, vulnerable man would certainly fit the job more than well.

But this was just Kai's fantasy that he probably wouldn't fulfill. He just thought the soldier was so pathetic, young and innocent that he needed a second chance. Even if Kai was cold, he had a soft spot for people who didn't deserve the cruelty of this world.

"I want to make a change around here, Sehun. I want to grow my army in numbers. I need you in our settlement. _We_ need you here."

Sehun just sat there crying. Kai felt some empathy for him. He was a commie, though, and they barely knew each other. Even those people that he called his friends couldn't get too close. Love too much and you'll hurt too much. Not in the apocalyptic wasteland, you're not supposed to have feelings here.

"Why were you on patrol in our tunnels? You should be aware that Soongsil station is in our possession", Kai explained. Sehun shook his head.

"Th-the o-o-older soldiers w-wa-wanted to. A-a-and I-I wouldn't b-be s-s-s-surprised if they w-wanted to g-g-get rid of m-me", he cried and then hid his face, crying audibly again. He looked so pathetic. "I-I di-didn't kn-kn-know that S-S-Soongsil s-s-s-station was in y-y-your possession."

"So you were a soldier, blindly following orders? You really aren't the sharpest tool in the shed, are you?" Kai made fun of him, which only made Sehun cry harder. "Oh boohoo, stop whining. Why were you in the army anyway? Were you assigned against your own will?"

"M-my father d-d-did it f-f-for me. H-he was a c-c-communist s-s-s-soldier too."

"Ohh... I see..." Kai replied. So the young soldier was in the army against his own will. And even played by the older soldiers. "I guess you had no say in that, then. How old are you?"

"T-twenty-one."

"We're the same age."

Sehun's eyes lighted up a bit as he looked up at the scary anarchist, but then he immediately looked back down. Just because they were the same didn't mean anything... Didn't mean that Kai would have had any pity on him. But he spared him... Though that was only because of some new war tactic. 

"Don't worry. We won't hurt you. This society rolls with one simple rule - an eye for an eye. Remember that. Hurt nobody. And if somebody hurts you, you have to have relations, have people that stand up for you, or stand up for yourself. Even your home station wasn't that safe that you could just roam around the station unarmed, was it? No, we need to be armed everywhere we go", Kai lectured and Sehun simply listened, silently.

They then sat there in silence for a while, the only noise being the soldier's sobbing. 

"You're free here, Sehun", Kai said and turned his back to the other one, moving the chair back to its' place behind the desk. Then he walked to the door. "I'll come check up on you tomorrow. I'll bring you some food, too. Just try to get some rest."

After those words, he closed the jail door and locked it. Sehun sat there and stared at the door, not sure if he wanted to run away or stay here. Irene had been awfully mean, but Kai... Kai seemed like a person who genuinely wanted him to be a part of their faction. He could've been nicer, but at least he didn't let Sehun die.

***

The next day Kai came in to release Sehun. He took him to The Hall, their base and home station. They traveled through the tunnels and avoided going to the surface - but some stations and tracks were above ground. It took them - Kai, Sehun, Irene and Kris - over half of the day because they needed to change railcars and have pauses every now and then. The Hall was 28 kilometers away from Soongsil.

Kai taught Sehun the ways and ideas of anarchism, and Sehun got accustomed pretty quickly. He liked that he had freedom to do anything. Though, he was a slave of capitalism... And he already missed his parents that he wouldn't see again.

Kai showed the subway station to the new member. He showed the marketplace and the living quarters and the gates to the tunnels. The doors were glass before the bombs fell and destroyed almost the whole world. Now they were covered with wooden and steel planks and all kinds of junk. And in the middle, there was a big steel door that only the gatekeepers could open. They also had a lookout window, actually, a hole in the wall, so they could see the person outside the door. There were rows of railcars, on line 1 and line 2. 

One of the older settlers came up to Kai and Sehun, pushing the war planner's chest. He looked at the younger one with anger.

"We don't want that commie anywhere near us. If you try to settle him in here, settle him behind the gates. I don't trust him", he said and spat on Sehun, making the latter hide behind Kai. The war planner just shook his head lightly.

"I'm afraid you'll just have to live with it. We're not going to kill any more commies that are able to cooperate. He's our prototype, kind of. I'm keeping an eye on him and we won't take any commies before we've come up with a good and safe migration plan", Kai explained, just dusting his clothes after the push. He didn't want to pick a fight. Especially since he knew that a lot of people were on the settler's side.

"As long as you keep him somewhere where he can't hurt us", the settler said, looking back at his girlfriend and kids. Kai just nodded his head a couple of times.

"He'll sleep in the jail for now, behind locked doors. During the day he'll be with me. You don't have to worry", he assured and the settler just grunted and nodded, walking back to his family. Sehun was still hiding behind Kai when the latter turned around, looking at the ex-soldier with a defeated look. "To be perfectly honest, I don't think you could even hurt a fly if you wanted to."

Sehun stared at him with big eyes and then dropped his head down to look at his feet. He looked submissive and defeated, and honestly, it irritated Kai. 

"Stop looking like that. I'm not going to pity on you no matter how pathetic you look", he huffed and walked Sehun to the jail. It was much like the one in Soongsil, but this time it seemed to be an archive and he had a better mattress. Sehun didn't like the jail one bit, it made him claustrophobic, but he was glad to be alive. He had to admit that he felt safe in the jail though.

But after the door was locked again, he sat on the mattress and started crying, thinking about how alone he was. Maybe dying would have been the better option here.

***

Days went by and Sehun followed Kai like a puppy. Wherever he went, he followed. It's not like he had much of a choice there, either. None of the settlers wanted him there and he couldn't leave. If he was left alone, he would be killed in an instant.

One day, when Kai and Sehun were having a drink at the bar, two guys started a brawl. One of them died. Unfortunate for the killer that the dead man was one of the most liked guys in the whole station, because the settlers took the killer and brutally decided to banish him to the Uptoplands.

 _Uptoplands_. Sehun had never been up there, on the surface, aside from the tracks. But he knew that it was all covered in debris, buildings fallen down, rivers drained, not safe to walk because of the mutants, the zombies, and that the air was not breathable without a gas mask. The man wouldn't survive longer than two minutes if he walked off the tracks, especially if he was alone.

Sehun had seen things like this happening in the communist stations. But it wasn't the people's will, no, it was the leader of the place. The one who decided about everything and everyone. Here the most liked person was the one ruling the place, or at least a group of people. Be liked by everyone, be defended by everyone. Be liked by no one, have no one at your side when things get rough.

"H-h-have y-you be-been there?" Sehun asked from Kai who took a glass of whiskey. Then he turned to look at the ex-soldier. "T-to... the U-Uptoplands. O-off the t-t-tracks."

"Yes. I have", he said as he looked down, turning back to the bartender and asking for more alcohol.

"Wh-wh-what was it l-l-like?"

"...Dead", he said with a bored voice. "...It's dead out there." Sehun just kept staring at him with big eyes. He wouldn't say it, but he wanted Kai's protection. That man had given him more wanted attention than anyone in the past years.

"Is this a soldier? Doesn't seem like that to me", the bartender laughed. Sehun put his head down yet again and hoped for Kai to defend him. That didn't happen, though.

"Yeah, a poor excuse of a soldier. Bitch wouldn't hurt a fly", Kai uttered a laughter. 

" _Wh-wh-what was it l-l-like?_ " the bartender imitated Sehun's stuttering and snorted. Kai burst into laughter as well and together they made fun of Sehun, his stuttering and his overall pathetic demeanor. 

Sehun didn't appreciate this, however, so he stood up and walked out to the station. He dashed through the marketplace towards the jail, where he spent his time whenever Kai wasn't near him, so he wouldn't have to deal with Kai nor the bartender or anyone else for that matter.

But the people who were taking that one guy to the Uptoplands were soon running away from that direction like a pack of panicked cattle. They were screaming, and soon Sehun could make out the words, _"Zombies."_

Sehun ran to the jail as fast as he could. It wasn't too late yet, but soon a herd of zombies started clawing on his door. He cried as he held the door, blocking it with the chair in the room and cabinet that he could barely move, all this while crying and panicking - this was his end. He was sure that he would die out here.

He could make out the screams of the people of the anarchist station. Gunshots, crying, mutants. He stood against the door, listened to the growling, the clawing, the pain and the misery that was divided from him only by the steel door. Thank god it was steel!

This reminded him of that time his home station was attacked by the brain-dead mutants. It was outrun and he had to flee, leave his big brother and father. His big brother was only seventeen at the time. He was fourteen. Him and his mother fled to Gangnam station, two kilometers through the tunnels. They ran most of it and the soldiers at Gangnam took them in with open arms.

His father came back. But his brother never did. And the father never spoke about it.

Four years later and his father recruited him in the army. Kids were taught how to shoot when they were only eight years old. Even younger ones were taught how to use a knife properly. Sehun never got to shoot a gun in the army, though. After getting to meet the colonel face-to-face, the man had something else in store for the poor boy.

But he never told anybody about it, just kept it in him. His parents found out a different way, though. The colonel liked it when he was submissive, innocent and broken. And the other men liked to make fun of him. They especially liked making jokes that involved him and the colonel together. They also did a lot of pranks on the youngest one.

Those are still rather fresh memories, just a little over a week ago. Sehun shook his head, crying. Are those the memories that he will die with? With nobody caring about him? 

Just then he heard an assault rifle, firing all the mutants outside the steel door. He stayed there for a second, still holding the door close, when somebody tried to open it. 

_"Sehun? Open the door"_ , it was Kai. Of course it was Kai. Sehun moved the cabinet and the chair to open the door and see Kai holding an AK-47 on his right hand, looking at him with relieved eyes.

Sehun couldn't hold in his emotions as he started crying and jumped in Kai's arms to embrace him, thank him from the bottom of his heart for saving his life. The tactic planner, however, wasn't too fond of this showcase of affection. When Sehun backed away from the hug, he just looked at the ex-soldier with a cold look. Sehun broke down and hid his face, unsure how to react and what to do.

_The colonel would have loved this._

But Kai wasn't the colonel - thank god - and Sehun found it weird that he had to take orders from somebody who didn't actually want to hurt him - but someone who also didn't want to get near him. 

There must have been at least twenty zombies that Kai killed all alone. A couple settlers died, but others were safe or helped killing the mutants. 

And Kai, he climbed up on a pedestal in Sehun's mind and became the hero that he had a huge crush on.

***

A month went by and Sehun kept following Kai like a puppy. And tonight... Tonight was finally the night that he got to sleep in the same room with the tactic planner. It was a very small shack, about four square meters so the half of the room was just a bunk bed. Then there was a nightstand with an oil lamp on it and a couple of drawers. There was also a book on the table, one pre-war book that Kai was reading. 

The bed looked very uninviting. Sehun would have much rather preferred the jail. He felt really safe there. Being here, though behind a locked door, with Kai, wasn't all that comfortable. The fact that there were dozens of people right behind the wall made him feel so unpleasant.

But he didn't have any room to complain. Figuratively and literally.

"You take the top bunk. I got it there just so you could live here with me", Kai said and took off his shirt and boots and laid down on the lower bed. Sehun just hummed, took off his shoes and climbed to the top bunk. There was no blanket for him to cuddle in. Just a poor excuse of a mattress and pillow. It was really uncomfortable.

It was summer. Sehun had a feeling that once the weather on the surface started cooling down, he would freeze to death.

***

Kai helped Sehun get a job. And to both their surprise, he actually got one. He got to deliver guns, ammo, food, water and other supplies to and from other stations. He was taught how to maneuver the small and bulky railcar. It had a big light on it and a horn that could probably wake up a whole station from deep slumber. The light was essential in the tunnels. There was no light in there otherwise. The railcars also had some oil lamps, in case it broke down in the middle of a tunnel and had to be restarted or manually pumped to move.

Kai made sure nobody hurt Sehun. He kept calling him a test subject of sort and if anybody hurt him, it would have been bad for the fate of the faction. Sehun quickly got a few nicknames: subject, stutter, commie... Nobody really used his real name, as was the tradition in this faction. Even Kai wasn't Kai nor Irene Irene, Kris wasn't Kris - they were all names that just stuck to them. Guess it's part of becoming a member of their family. 

The old man who maneuvered the railcar showed Sehun what to do, and he got a hang of it pretty quickly. It wasn't that hard. The railcar could go in both ways, so it would never have to be moved. Some stations were also open, so he could drive through them without having to change the vehicle.

Some other stations, however... They were so crowded that you couldn't even dream of getting through, and there wasn't another line that you could switch to. That's when Sehun had to carry all the packages to the other end of the railcar queue and load the new railcar at the other end. 

All this while being under the watchful eye of the tactic planner... Who traveled through the stations with him on his first two weeks on the job.

And Sehun felt safe around him.

One day they were going through the tunnel from The Hall to Bu Guo, over six kilometers from the home station. On the way they had to go through six stations, one of which - Dongsu - was abandoned and overrun by mutants. Kai killed all of them. And again, became the most magnificent person that Sehun had ever met, saving his ass once more. Traveling through the tunnels wasn't always easy, and it was never safe. Anything could happen. Sehun would always have to have someone to protect him in the tunnels - never be alone.

Bupyeong was filled with people and their railcars, and as the cherry on top: the railway was broken. They had to move everything to a new railcar. They were transporting weapons to Bu Guo, and food back from Bu Guo to The Hall. They didn't even stop for a drink, they had to be at the other station before night. 

They finally reached Bu Guo when it was almost 10 at night. They were a little late because of the mutants in Dongsu. 

"So... You must be the ones transferring the weapons to me", a big, fat lady said with a deep voice and smiled, opening her arms and welcoming the two men from the other station once they jumped out the railcar. "My name is Fae. Nice to meet you."

She took Sehun into a tight, bone-crushing hug. Weirdly, Sehun liked it. It was warm in her arms. Kai turned down the hug immediately when she offered, looking at him with such joy in her eyes as she opened her arms.

"I'm Kai. This is Sehun... though people call him Stutter. He doesn't talk much because of it. He's still learning the sales process", Kai explained when Fae just smiled at the said man. She took out a piece of paper, a pen and a knife. Then she wrote down the money sum, what was bought and the date on the empty paper. At last she signed it with her name, simply Fae, took the knife to make a cut on her hand and let some blood drip on the paper to seal the deal.

Sehun was a pussy when it came to shit like that. Cutting his own hand was the last thing he wanted to do, especially after the lady had cut herself with the same knife first. That was... unsanitary. 

He signed the paper with the name Stutter because he didn't want to reveal his real name. Who knew where the commies were and what they were doing. Who knew if somebody was after him. 

He didn't have to do the honors of cutting his own hand. He just held the blade in his hand and stared at Kai who took the matter in his own hands and cut Sehun, making the other wince.

"This is how the business works", Kai huffed and let the other man hold his hand in pain. Fae let out a chuckle and pat Sehun's back reassuringly.

"You'll get your supplies tomorrow morning if everything goes well. Come, make yourself comfortable in our home. The bar is open, free of charge for you. They'll also provide you beds for the night", she explained and walked away to her office. Kai and Sehun took her word and walked to the bar with a signed paper from Fae.

Sehun wasn't very keen on drinking. He just wanted to show off to Kai. They sat at the bar and Kai ordered for them both.

"So, _Stutter_ ", Kai grinned and it made Sehun baffled. Kai hadn't smiled to him before this. "How do you like your new job?"

"I-i-it's... n-nice. B-b-but I'm k-kind of u-u-unsure. W-what do I do about all the z-z-zombies and m-mutants in the t-t-tunnels? I-I n-need a guard."

"You need to hire a guard every time before going on a new trip. You have to pay them well or give them a share of the deal", Kai said, taking another sip of his vodka. He drank the liquid like it was water. Sehun just stared at his own glass. He didn't really like alcohol. 

"I-I w-want you to b-be my g-g-guard", he said with a silent voice, making Kai confused. Sehun's face started heating up a bit as he looked even more down to hide himself from the shame.

"I'm the war tactic planner. I can't waste my time saving your ass", he huffed. Sehun sighed and shook his head, it was a long shot. "Anyway. You never told me what it was like at the commie station. Were you starving?"

"N-n-no... W-we weren't s-s-starving... W-we were damaged in o-o-other ways..." Sehun told him, now moving his glass from one hand to the other, making Kai irritated. If Sehun didn't want to drink it, he'd be more than happy to help out. But he was afraid of drinking too much, he'd end up doing something that he might regret. 

"Damaged, how?"

"...Y-y-you wanna know th-this b-b-because of the w-war", Sehun thought out loud, mostly to himself. Kai didn't really care about his feelings, all he cared about was beating the commies and making the whole country anarchists. Sehun wouldn't say it out loud, but he didn't think that anarchism was a good political ideology. It beat communism, though. 

Kai hummed and stared at his glass. Then he asked the bartender for another one. The latter looked rather gloomy, Kai would be drinking all his supplies at this rate.

"I might be. Or I might want to know more about you. Does my motive matter? You'll get to share your story."

"B-but I don't w-w-want to s-s-share my s-s-story to p-people who don't care", Sehun sighed and shook his head, looking down. Now he left the glass alone. He wasn't going to drink it. And Kai didn't want to look at him.

"...Don't get too attached to me. If you wanna survive in this dystopia, you have to learn to not care", he huffed and now left his own drink alone.

"...I-I-I don't k-know about you, b-b-but I'd r-rather die than l-l-live without having a-a-anybody care about m-me."

And with those words Sehun got up, thanked the bartender with a self-aware stutter, cursed himself for it, and walked to the back of the saloon to the room that Fae had prepared for them. It was behind a small lockable door and there was only an oil lamp, a nightstand and a bunk bed. Sehun figured he would have to take the upper one again, Kai would probably be so drunk that he wouldn't even get up there.

So he climbed up and faced the wall, hugging himself. He hated himself for having feelings for Kai and he hated himself for letting his father and mother down. He knew he would let his father down the moment the old man announced that his son was going to be a soldier. But his mother loved him. She might be the reason that he didn't turn out to be a complete fuck-up.

She was the only reason why Sehun missed home.

Kai soon joined the other in the small room. He locked the door and fell in the lower bed, mumbling some things. He made Sehun feel rather uneasy.

"So... Stutter... What was it like at the commie station?" Kai wanted to know, still. Sehun shifted in bed. He didn't know what to tell the other.

"...I-It was m-m-my home. W-what could I s-s-say..."

"You're some kinda dreamer, aren't you? Some kind of... optimist. Believing that there's something good in the world..."

"I-I-I don't believe there's s-s-something g-g-good in the w-w-world. A-a-all I want i-i-is to be c-c-cared about", Sehun said, as if Kai would understand the difference. "M-m-my motives are p-purely s-s-selfish."

Kai let out a laughter. He kicked the upper bed, making Sehun startled. He scared Sehun a bit.

"...You sure are something, aren't you? Tell me what made you so... weak. What made you stutter and what made you so fucking pathetic", Kai suggested. That made Sehun feel really uncomfortable. He just stared at the wall for a long while until Kai kicked the upper bunk again.

Before Sehun could even think of anything to reply, he could hear shifting in the lower bed. Kai had gotten up and was now climbing up to the upper bed. It took him quite a while and a lot of effort, but he finally got there. He smiled to Sehun who looked at him over his shoulder. And again Sehun felt weird. Kai wasn't supposed to smile to him. He was definitely drunk.

Sehun turned his head towards the wall and stayed quiet. He didn't know what to tell Kai. And he didn't want to tell if the other didn't care. It would mean nothing. He didn't want to talk about those things.

But just then Kai grabbed Sehun's arm and leaned closer to his ear to whisper, "I care."

That melted Sehun's heart instantly. He wanted to tell Kai, but he didn't know what exactly to say to him. He wanted Kai to care, but he didn't know what was enough and what was too much. And what would he actually remember...

"...I-I am pathetic... B-because the other s-s-s-soldiers used me..." he said rather quietly. Kai's expression changed. He looked... worried.

"How?"

"...Th-th-they made f-fun of me... A-a-and they u-used me for p-practice... Th-they tied me u-up and th-th-threatened to k-k-kill me, th-th-threw s-s-small r-r-rocks o-or darts at me... A-a-and then... th-they g-g-gave me to the c-c-colonel... The c-c-colonel... l-l-l-liked me..."

"...Did you stutter before that?"

"...I... didn't..."

"...What did the colonel do?"

The ex-soldier hugged himself and closed his eyes. He didn't want to talk about it. Some things are better left untold, because opening the scars that are already wounded doesn't make any sense. It's just extra pain and anxiety over somebody knowing too much. He wanted Kai to know, but he didn't want him to know too much.

How the colonel held him every night. How the colonel had his magnum against Sehun's forehead if he didn't do as he said. All the embarrassing things and sexual favors that he had to do for that man... He would rather keep the details to himself.

After his father found out, the old man went and beat the colonel's ass personally. That was the only time Sehun felt that his father cared about him. But the father wouldn't tell the sheriff, wouldn't tell it to anyone who could have helped Sehun. Talking about it became a taboo, just like Ilhoon, Sehun's older brother had become. 

"...Th-th-the c-c-colonel... He... Had his o-o-own th-th-things with me... H-had his o-o-own f-f-fun... Y-y-you can g-g-guess..."

Kai leaned closer to Sehun and wrapped his arm around his body. It made Sehun feel even weirder and it hurt him because he knew that Kai was drunk. He wouldn't care in the morning again. He would be the same cold son-of-a-bitch that he's been the last month. 

Silence prevailed in the room. The oil lamp was still on and they could hear some chatter from the rooms next to them. They could hear the people at the bar and some old music playing. That was ancient, probably centuries old. Pre-war.

"...Th-th-then what a-a-about you? W-w-what made y-y-you so... c-c-cold?" Sehun managed to ask, though his heart was racing. Kai's hot breath hit his neck and he could hear the other breathing in his scent. Much to his surprise, it didn't make him feel as anxious as he had thought before. His mind was not filled with the colonel. It was only filled with care... And Kai... Kai didn't pull out a gun and hold it against his neck, no. He only had his arms wrapped around him that made him feel warm and safe.

"...Me and my big sisters... and our parents... used to live up there. In the Uptoplands. We weren't caught like this, like rats in a maze, underground", the tan man explained, closing his eyes when recalling the painful memories. Sehun was baffled.

"H-h-how? I-i-isn't it d-d-dangerous?"

"Most certainly. But we didn't live in the city, no... We lived on the countryside, on a farm, in a settlement with a few others. There were buildings with basements, and the basements were where we spent most of our time. We didn't need gas masks. The air is different there. It's breathable outside the city. We lived off the land and had a water pump that pumped us pure water underground."

All this made Sehun's worldview explode. He thought that the Uptoplands were filled with mutants, gas leaks and radiation. He didn't know much about the war that happened a century ago, so he had no idea what places were nuked to the stone age and what were left alone.

"...The radiation got my younger big sister. Her skin... started to burn off. And one day, she just kind of... melted away. She was in horrible pain for the rest of her days. My other big sister was turned into one of the zombie mutants... She was exposed to the gas. She killed my mother and a few of the settlers at night, before my father shot her with his shotgun. That was when my father decided that the Uptoplands weren't safe yet. And we came back to the metro of Seoul, to hide from the things on the surface. My father was an ex-communist soldier and he was not appreciated there. He helped us run away, to the anarchist station... And I never saw him again. I had just turned 10."

"...Th-th-that s-s-sounds horrible, K-K-Kai..." Sehun exclaimed, trying to sound apologetic. The truth was that he didn't know what to say. He didn't really know how to show that he listened - he just wanted to care, but didn't know how to show it. 

"I hanged onto those memories, those horrible memories, for my dear life. Until I realized that holding onto them was what made me weak... I had to let go. Had to pretend that it didn't hurt me. Had to protect myself from feeling that way ever again."

The arms around Sehun's body tightened and Kai's breathing calmed down. In a couple of minutes he was no longer awake, leaving Sehun to stare at the wall. He thought about the past and he thought about the future. Would he meet his parents again? He missed his mother. But after what had happened with the colonel, the mother had turned her back to him as well. She couldn't believe that her son would be so pathetic that he was abused by the colonel. She just couldn't accept it.

So Sehun was left with nobody who cared. Just his parents who thought that Sehun had let them down.

***

Sehun woke up after Kai. The latter was in the lower bunk now, smoking a cigarette, and the smoke made its' way to the other man's nostrils. Sehun coughed a bit. His throat was aching and so was his stomach, from the small amount of alcohol that he had yesterday. 

Kai stood up and lighted another cigarette. Sehun turned on his back and looked at the other with hazy, sleepy eyes. With a faint voice he said, "Y-y-you shouldn't s-s-smoke so m-m-much."

Kai didn't reply. He opened the door and walked out to their railcar, to load all the food in. Sehun just stared at his back until he was nowhere to be seen anymore. He probably remembered everything that they talked about last night and found it shocking when he woke up next to Sehun. And knowing him, he would probably not want to talk about it.

Sehun got up and walked out the door to get himself some breakfast from the bar. Fae had promised them that too. He walked to the platform to just stare at Kai loading the railcar. The latter was being really grumpy and silent. Sehun just sighed, leaned on his arm and chewed on the bread as he stared at the other, trying not to be too obvious that he had a huge crush on him. 

It made Kai so uncomfortable that he snapped.

"Could you help me with this? Fuck, don't just stare there. Don't you have any manners? They really don't teach you anything at the commie stations, do they?"

Sehun felt hurt, and maybe he deserved it. He ate the bread quickly and jumped up to help the other.

They left in an hour. Fae told them that they'd see again the next time they need weapons. Sehun and Kai waved at her and then they left.

The trip back to The Hall station was quiet. Kai just stared at the road ahead and in Dongsu brutally slaughtered all the mutants, now making Sehun kind of afraid. Kai's power was huge, and he had a lot of impact on the people of the anarchist faction. One word from him and thousands of people would attack Sehun. Getting on his bad side wouldn't do any good.

Unfortunately Sehun was already on the bad side, but it was not his own fault.

"...A-a-about l-l-last n-n-night-" Sehun tried, but Kai stared in the distance, didn't make eye contact even by an accident and cut him off.

"We don't talk about last night. If you've got something to talk about, you should go to the old ladies in our home station. They like chatting", he said. Sehun sighed deeply. Kai really didn't like him.

***

Two weeks passed. Sehun made deliveries from station to station and got quite a bit of money, some of which went to the guards he hired. He didn't trust them as much as he trusted Kai. Mainly because nobody else was as good as Kai.

One day Irene walked up to him. She had her arms across her chest and hair in a messy bun, dark circles under her eyes to indicate that she hadn't slept in days. Sehun was just loading a new railcar and making a trip to the edge of The Defiance territory. He looked at the lady weirdly. She still didn't like him one bit.

"Hi, Stutter", she greeted him but didn't even flash a smile. Something serious was up with that woman. Sehun looked at her sadly but this only irritated her. "You're going to Soongsil, right? To help them with supplies to fight off the commies?

"Y-y-yeah, that's w-where I'm g-g-going."

"How about doing us a favor? The letters from that station indicate that the commie soldiers are making a camp in Isu. And where there's commies, there's guns", she grinned. This made Sehun even more confused. He wasn't going to risk his life just to get a few guns!

"N-n-n-no way. I-i-it's no deal."

"I want you to sneak up there, maybe even pretend to be a commie, and get those guns to us. If you do this, you'll be a hero in The Defiance", she tried. Sehun shook his head rapidly, almost making him dizzy. He wasn't going to do it no matter the cost.

"I-I-I d-d-don't want to be a h-h-hero. I-I-I j-j-just w-w-want to be left a-a-alone", he huffed. Irene took one of the crates and helped him load the railcar.

"Do this, and I'll let you do anything to me for one night", she grinned. Sehun shook his head yet again. 

"I-I-I'm not i-i-interest in y-y-you", he explained kindly. Irene almost sighed from relief. She didn't want to do it either.

"Right... You're interested in a bit more... tanned... muscular... masculine... individual", she said and at that moment, Sehun's heart stopped beating. He froze. Irene laughed when she saw him and walked to him to whisper, "I'm sure Kai would appreciate it as well. He's been on the edge lately... You do want to cheer him up, don't you? You do want to make him happy, don't you?"

Sehun gulped. He would risk his life for just one man... Would it be worth it? Kai was the only one who showed on some level that he cared about Sehun. Nobody else really did, and he was all alone. And truth be told, he hated being alone more than the thought of dying.

So he turned to Irene and looked at her with sincere pain in his eyes. It almost made her feel something. Just almost.

"...I-i-if I do th-this", Sehun started, making Irene grin immediately. "Will he really be proud of me?"

Irene looked at him in the eyes and caressed his cheek. He was gazing at her with big, innocent, sincere eyes and Irene tried to look as reassuring as she could.

"...Yes."

***

The trip to Soongsil was long and full of surprises and dangers. Two guards, a couple that was originally from Soongsil, wanted to settle back in their home station and help fight the commies. Sehun took them because he didn't really have a choice nor did he want to travel 28 kilometers on his own. The railcar is quick, yes, but going through the stations was a pain in the ass. Sehun was just glad that none of the tunnels were cut off on line 7. 

The couple couldn't shut up. They were so in love. They were a few years older than Sehun and had been together for seven years. Seven years seemed like a long time for Sehun, but it amazed him how in love two people could still be with each other, through thick and thin. It made him kind of sick but also really sad. He just wanted something... similar.

It took the whole day for the three to reach Soongsil. The worst part of being a mercenary for Sehun was definitely the fact that every weapon deal needed a signature with a blood mark. His hand would probably never heal and he might die to an infection because of it, but the post-apocalyptic society didn't think of that now did it?

The guy receiving the guns in Soongsil offered food and bed to Sehun but he only took the food and had a small break. He wasn't going to sleep, at least not yet. He was going to Isu to retrieve the guns and show Kai that he was indeed a valuable member of the anarchist faction.

He went to Namseong with a railcar and drove through the eerie dead station while constantly looking over his shoulder. He didn't like the place one bit - this is the station that the Red Sun Nation had gassed years ago. Everybody in the station died. Their corpses are still on the railway. Sehun could see the skeleton of a child and it made him teary. The war was ruthless. In the world where surviving was difficult enough as it was, people still had to kill each other. 

He hopped out of the railcar and walked to Isu. It was only a little over one kilometer. The station wasn't owned by anyone, but the Red Sun Nation was trying to get a hold of it and expand. Sehun knew that it was tight. Red Sun Nation was the biggest of all the factions in South Korea, after all. (Or so he was told.)

It was night, there were three guards on watch. Four others seemed to be sleeping in the tent, but those were the only ones that Sehun could see. It was rather dark there, but Sehun recognized the faces. They were the soldiers who let him be captured in Soongsil and transported to The Hall. They were the ones who used him and gave him to the colonel.

Oh how much he wanted to shoot their heads off. Though, that was not the problem of today. He knew that the guards weren't all that alert. In fact they were one of the laziest that Sehun had ever witnessed. They were playing poker around a round table near the tent instead of guarding their weapons. Sehun remembers their justification. _"We'll hear if they're coming."_

But now they wouldn't hear Sehun coming. He sneaked to the railcars on the right. There was two. The other was loaded with supplies and the other was for people. Sehun hardly saw any text on the crates because of the darkness. He almost pressed his whole head against the surface to see clearly. But there it was. It was a crate full of assault rifles. Guns that served only one purpose - killing masses of people. 

Sehun looked at the soldiers and tried to come up with a plan. He could take the whole railcar and speed it up to Soongsil. The risk was that the soldiers would get to him before he could speed the railcar enough. And worse, they would catch him and bring back to the communist station. 

He could just give himself up to them and pretend that the anarchists are barbaric creatures who were torturing him. But they would see the wound on his hand and see that he's become a merchant... Maybe he could lie himself out of it and pretend that the anarchists forced him to do so. But who would believe him? He was already dead to his parents after they found out about the colonel.

He was weighing his option when a man approached him from behind. He put his hands on Sehun's waist and slid them down on his hips, pressing his own body against Sehun. The latter was shocked, more so because he knew who the man was. 

He felt the man lean closer to his ear and breathe against his neck, leaving wet kisses on it. Sehun froze instantly.

"...I watched you... from the darkness... I was sitting on the chair just behind you and you didn't even notice me... Should I feel betrayed?" he whispered, his hands roaming on Sehun's body. "I've missed you so... So much, Sehun..."

The colonel turned Sehun around, took a firm grip on his arms and looked at him in the eyes. He had a scar on his cheek that Sehun had not seen before. He didn't see the colonel after he visited his parents the last time. The colonel forced eye contact and Sehun had no choice but to obey. His body started to shake but he was paralyzed. He couldn't think clearly and he couldn't move a muscle, not even his fingers or toes.

"Your father did this to me. Called me a pig and told me to stay away from you. Well, I've been good, been away from you for five whole months. But I just can't stop thinking of you. When I heard that you were taken by the anarchists, I was sure that it was the end of you. You have no idea how glad I am that it's not true..." And he pulled Sehun into a tight hug.

Knowing that the colonel couldn't kill Sehun made him feel slightly less panicked, but it made him fear for the rest of his life. The colonel would take him back to the communist station, there was no doubt about it. And what would happen then? He would become a communist again, a soldier again? Probably not a soldier, maybe a merchant, maybe his parents would disown him and the colonel own him.

He didn't want that. He didn't want any of that. Maybe he could fight his way out of this. Maybe he could still take the railcar and leave... Maybe... Just maybe...

"I-i-i-if y-y-y-y-y-you c-c-c-c-c-c-c-care--" Sehun stammered way worse whenever he was with the colonel. Speaking to him caused him significant distress. But the colonel broke the hug and looked at him in the eyes with compassion, and it made Sehun feel worse, actually. "Th-th-th-th-th-then l-l-l-l-l-l-let m-me g-g-g-g-go."

"...I'm afraid I can't do that, Sehun", the colonel said, now looking down on Sehun. Sehun lowered his head and looked as pathetic as he could. He knew there was no fighting back against the colonel. It was better to kiss his ass than to tell him what to do. "You're coming to Nowon with us."

Sehun was baffled. Nowon was 30 kilometers away from Isu, almost 60 kilometers from The Hall. And his parents lived in Gangnam. Traveling with the railcars was slow and who knows what happens in those stations that are deserted? 

"W-w-w-w-w-why N-N-N-N-Nowon?" Sehun wondered.

"Nobody knows you in Nowon and I'm getting transferred. Apparently I am no longer wanted in the field..."

"Y-y-y-y-y-y-y-you're r-r-r-r-r-r-r-retiring?"

"...Look", the colonel started as he looked at Sehun even more intimidating. Sehun wanted to hide away. "My knee is failing me and the authorities don't like me. I just wanna have a good rest of my life with the man I care about... and get married with him."

Sehun almost choke on his own spit. He felt like he was going to throw up. Being the colonel's bitch was one thing, but being his husband? No fucking way. It was disgusting, just the thought of coming back to this man from every trip made his stomach unsettled. 

"I can see you're tense. Don't be afraid. We'll have a good marriage. Maybe we could even adopt a child... There are a lot of orphans who need parents. We could do a lot good together", the colonel tried to explain but Sehun started to cry. He didn't want to get married with the colonel. He didn't want to get married at all. He found the whole idea and concept of marriage dumb.

But the anarchists didn't have marriage. That would have meant that there was supposed to be law and there was no law. There was only a single rule: an eye for an eye.

"Hey, colonel..." one of the soldiers walked up to the railcar. As soon as he saw Sehun, he gasped, slapped a hand on his mouth and uttered a laughter. What was so funny about this, Sehun didn't understand. "Oh shit. Is it really you? We thought that the anarchists got you."

"...Th-th-th-th-th-they d-d-d-d-d-d-did", Sehun stuttered and made the soldier laugh more.

"I thought they were going to kill you!"

"Why are you laughing?" the colonel questioned. The soldier cleared his throat and took a better position.

"Uhm... I was just thinking of all the... fun times we had. I thought that our friendship was over", he explained. Sehun didn't know why he laughed, maybe he was nervous. He didn't expect to see Sehun alive again.

"Well your friendship is over. I'm going to marry him and we'll move to Nowon together", the colonel said. That made the soldier look at him with a weird look. The colonel was a cold bastard, not a man to dream about marriage and sunshine and rainbows. "I know I was once a cruel man. But I've made a change. He changed me. Being away from him... changed me."

"I'd hate to break it down to you, colonel, but you're not in love with Sehun. You're obsessed with him because he's submissive enough to make you feel like a tough guy. You're a chicken's pussy, colonel", the soldier said with a determined look on his face. The colonel pulled out a gun and pointed it at him. Sehun just stared. That same gun has been on his head too. The soldier stared at the pipe. "I dare you. Pussy."

"Grenade!" one of the soldiers around the table yelled and ran away from it. After a second or two, it exploded and made a cloud. One of the soldiers died and three in the tent were wounded.

The soldiers started aimlessly shooting towards the tunnel leading to Namseong. Someone threw knives at the soldiers from the darkness. The two soldiers that were shooting aimlessly got knives to their heads and died instantly.

"We're leaving", the colonel said and forced Sehun to the railcar. The colonel quickly started the engine and the railcar started moving, first slowly, towards Naebang. The soldier with them tried to get on, but the colonel shot his hand. He looked at the colonel with a betrayed look and the colonel just looked at him with a cold glare. 

Sehun tried to jump off. The colonel held onto him tightly and sped up the railcar.

"Where do you think you're going, darling? The one who's there is going to kill you too. If you're smart, you'll come meet your parents again", the colonel exclaimed. Sehun could see a man in dark clothes killing all of the soldiers. He was quick, ruthless, and most of all, he was skilled. He didn't hesitate to kill any of the soldiers and he showed no mercy.

Sehun knew who it was. That's why he tried to jump off the railcar with all his might, but the colonel forced him on the ground. He kicked Sehun and crouched over to him to keep him on his place. Sehun tried to kick him. 

"We're going to Gangnam, to your parents. Don't you want to meet your parents again, Sehun? Or have you become an anarchist?" the colonel asked, making Sehun cry more.

After a while they could see another light from behind them. The other railcar.

He was coming to save Sehun with the other railcar. And he would follow to Nowon if he had to.

Sehun felt powerful. Even when held in the railcar against his own will, he felt empowered. He didn't feel alone.

The other railcar was a long way from them, but it was behind them. Opening the gates would take long enough for it to catch them.

When the colonel had to start slowing the railcar down, Sehun jumped out. The railcar was going really fast and he hurt his legs, but the adrenaline pumped through his body that he could stand up in no time. The colonel stopped the railcar with the emergency break and jumped out with his pistol. He was quicker than Sehun because he didn't hurt his legs in the fall, though he had a problem with his knee.

Sehun ran towards the light, the railcar where the anarchist tactic planner was waiting for him.

But then they heard a shot.

The colonel fired the gun and Sehun fell down, screaming in pain. His shin was pierced by the bullet. The colonel ran to him and tried to raise him in his arms, but Sehun hit him with all his might.

"Don't touch me! Get off me! I hate you! I don't want to marry you and I don't want to be with you! And I don't want to be a communist!" he screamed, without a single stutter, while hitting the man who tried his hardest to take him in his arms.

The other railcar reached them. It stopped and the man walked out. He had a helmet that covered his whole head and a cape that covered his whole body. Under it he had an armor made of leather.

The colonel freaked out and took Sehun as his human shield. He took him in his arms, the other's back against his chest, and held the magnum against his temple. Sehun cried. He tried to breathe and look at the man in the eyes, behind the mask. But he couldn't see. The man was armored from head to toe. Though, he knew.

"Sehun belongs to the communist station. He lives in Gangnam with his parents and deserves the right to go back to his family. You can't keep him in your anarchist station forever. He belongs to the Red Sun Nation", the colonel tried to reason, but the other man didn't care. He crouched and looked at Sehun deep in the eyes before taking off his glove and caressing Sehun's cheek. His hand was tan... Sehun cried more. "He's not your property. He's ours."

That is when the colonel pulled the magnum off Sehun's temple and shot the armored man to the chest. 

The latter fell to the ground, limp.

"No!"

He felt that his heart had stopped. The shock took over his body and he couldn't move.

Was he... dead?

No, no, no, it couldn't be. He was Sehun's only hope and savior, the only one that didn't make him feel alone despite his coldness, the only one that cared about his feelings... at least when he was drunk.

The one who he had grown fond of. The others didn't mean that much to Sehun. They never did.

But he was different, because he didn't want to hurt Sehun. His help was genuine, though his words weren't that soft. And after the night when he told him about his family... It couldn't just end like this!

"K-K-K-Kai..." he cried his name. The colonel picked Sehun on his shoulder and started walking to the railcar. Sehun wouldn't let it happen, however. He squirmed as much as he could and tried to break free. After a while of struggling, he did fall down, hurting his leg even worse.

"Why are you like this, Sehun?" the colonel asked, now crouching down and turning Sehun on his back. The latter could hardly breathe at this point. He tried his hardest to move, but it was proven difficult. "I've been only trying to help you, and here you are treating me like I was a monster. You do know that I care about you, right? I care about us and our future. I care about the future of the Red Sun Nation, and I trust you do too."

"N-n-n-n-no... I-I-I-I-I d-d-d-d-d-d-don't. I-I-I-I a-a-a-am an a-a-a-a-anarchist." The colonel uttered a laughter and smacked Sehun's face.

"No... You're not an anarchist. You believe that communism is the right way of living in the post-apocalyptic world and you want to see your parents. You want to make mommy and daddy proud, don't you?"

Sehun tried his hardest to get away from the colonel who now started to hit his face repeatedly.

"You believe... in this... ideology... and you... will... marry me..." he said all the while hitting him.

Sehun started to feel that he wasn't going to survive. He felt dizzy and his world started darkening. His face hurt and his leg pained. He wouldn't die from blood loss but maybe from infection... This was the end for him. He was mentally saying goodbye to his mother and father and everyone at The Hall that had become his home.

Before he could pass out, he heard a gunshot, and the colonel fell on top of him.

***

The light hurt his eyes and the pain radiated from his shin up to his stomach. He had his hand on his abdomen as he looked up at the ceiling, feeling so nauseated that he might throw up. How many drugs did he take?

He could put some bits and pieces together from what happened before he passed out. He remembered the colonel who beat him up and... Kai. He remembered the gunshots and tears started rolling down his cheeks immediately. Kai died... didn't he? The colonel... died too? But where is he now? He should be dead, in the middle of the tunnels. Maybe this is the afterlife.

Maybe the communists found him and took him? Soon he would probably be enslaved. That's what they do to ex-communists here... or then they just kill them. Maybe Sehun's father talked some sense into them...

He heard groaning next to him. He looked there. This place looked like a hospital. But he couldn't quite figure out where...

"Good, you're starting to wake up", the doctor said as he walked to Sehun. "I'm sure you can now make the rest of the journey back to The Hall without a problem. As you can imagine, I have a lot of patients and I need all the space I can get. I get so many wounded from the front line that you couldn't even imagine."

Sehun looked at him weirdly. His head hurt so much it was hard to see.

"...Doc... Wh-wh-where a-a-am I?"

"You're in Daerim station hospital."

It took a while for him to understand where Daerim was. It was the next big station next to Isu. He was back in The Defiance territory... But how? Who brought him here...?

Starting to talk was something Sehun really struggled with. So he didn't even ask the doctor who the person saving him was. Just watched as he walked away...

But then someone walked over to the bed Sehun was laying on. He had a worried look on his face, but this time, he didn't have a cigarette between his lips nor a glass of alcohol. Sehun's eyes widened and his heart ached as he saw the man.

"...K-K-K-Kai? I-I-I thought you were d-d-dead..." he said with a quiet voice, not believing his eyes. He saw Kai get shot, how could he all of sudden be okay?

"He shot me, yes, but I had a bulletproof vest. It was under my coat, so I take it he didn't see it", Kai explained, now looking down. He had something on his mind. Sehun was dizzy so interpreting Kai's words was proven to be rather difficult. "You have no idea how mad at you I am right now. What the hell were you thinking? Going to Isu alone, that's a suicide."

"...I-I-Irene p-p-promised... that you would... b-b-be p-p-proud of me..." This made Kai's look soften and he looked at Sehun with pain in his eyes.

"Listen... We have to talk about what happened in Bu Guo. That's the reason we got ourselves into this mess, wasn't it?"

Sehun just stared at Kai. He blinked slowly. Of course it was the reason. Kai didn't talk to him after Bu Guo.

"...Wh-wh-what about it?"

"...Everything I said there was true. And I remember everything you said. It's just that... I've never told those things to anyone. So yeah, I was drunk. But all the times I've been drunk... I've never said it", he said, but immediately looked down again. He wasn't good at talking about his feelings.

Sehun smiled. He reached upwards to touch Kai's face. Just like he caressed his face in the midst of the battle.

"...I-I-I'm glad." Kai touched Sehun's hand and sighed deeply. He wasn't too fond of affection.

"...Okay..." Kai took a deep breath and removed the hand from his face. "We should get going. The doc needs more space."

"...A-a-are we going to The Hall? J-j-just the t-t-two of us?"

"Yeah. We are. Come. I'll help you walk", Kai said as he helped Sehun get up. The latter groaned in pain. The doctor had dug out the bullet and stitched it close. The wound was deep and it hurt, making Sehun almost unable to walk. His other leg worked with a little help. The fall from the railcar damaged both of his legs.

They walked out of the hospital slowly, Kai holding Sehun tightly. At the end Kai couldn't take it anymore and took Sehun in his arms, carrying him all the way to the small railcar at the end of the queue. It was made for just two people and their luggage, so it wasn't as sturdy as the railcars that Sehun usually maneuvered.

On their way back to The Hall they went through many stations. All of them were inhabited, so the trip was safe aside from the occasional thieves and tunnel robbers. Kai didn't show any mercy to them.

They had to change the railcar on a couple of stations. Kai picked Sehun up both of those times and walked him through the station. On one of the stations, there was no railcars for them to use. So they had to make it by foot. It was the last station before The Hall, Ganseogogeori.

The gate was opened and Kai stared into the darkness. Sehun was holding onto him for his dear life, his head resting on his shoulder, looking back at the gatekeepers. The walk was only one and a half kilometer long but it was pitch black after the gate closed. Kai could take it. He lighted the headlamp and started walking.

The gate was closed behind them, making both of them hold tighter onto each other. Now there was nothing but darkness and them.

"...Th-th-thank you, b-b-by the way. F-f-for s-s-s-saving my l-l-life", Sehun said, but Kai shook his head.

"No need to thank me."

"...B-b-but I would be d-d-dead-"

"I'm glad you aren't." Their voices echoed in the empty tunnels. There were some dead bodies, mutants and whatnot. The tunnels weren't shut down, only the stations, which meant that wherever the rails went above ground, the mutants could enter. It's a good thing they didn't like to go underground most of the time. "...And... About what happened in Isu... I knew it was the colonel you told me about. The soldiers... were they the ones..?"

Sehun couldn't say anything to that. He just nodded slowly. He couldn't see Kai's face clearly and he was sure that the other still didn't show his affection. He still tried to play tough even though he was worried sick about the other one. 

"...Your parents live in Gangnam. Do you want to check up on them some day?" Kai wondered. Sehun closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He nodded.

"B-b-but if it m-m-means I have to l-l-leave Th-th-the D-d-defiance, I w-won't do i-it."

Kai held him tighter if possible.

"...I'm glad... That you care about us more than the people who raised you."

"...The people w-w-who raised me d-d-didn't w-w-want to h-help me. It w-w-was never about m-m-me."

"...We'll keep you safe at The Hall."

***

They reached The Hall and were immediately welcomed by the people there. Or, Kai was. He was kind of like the leader of the place, but he wouldn't take such title - it would be against his political ideology. They were given food and water which they took gladly.

It was already evening. They had been traveling the whole day, and after a warm meal, they went to bed. Kai carried Sehun to their room and placed him in the lower bed, tucking him under the covers and then sitting on the edge of the bed. Sehun turned on his side so his left leg, the wounded one, was on top. Then he just stared at Kai who eyed at him.

For a moment there they just stared at each other. Kai took his boots and shirt off to lay on the bed next to Sehun. It made the latter feel something that he couldn't quite define. He just felt - just felt so much. He could feel everything and that everything was in this moment. All the good and the bad, the anxiety, the sadness, the joy, the excitement. He felt everything.

Kai put his arm around Sehun and leaned closer to his face. His hot breath landed on Sehun's lips as he approached, making the latter's heart beat quicker, filling him with even more emotion. Kai leaned in closer so their lips touched, gently, eyes closed. At first Sehun didn't know what to do. He just stared at Kai's face, his closed eyes and long eyelashes, so near. Until he closed his eyes as well and kissed back.

Kai pulled Sehun even closer and the latter felt so safe and protected that he didn't want it to end. But Kai pulled out of the kiss and looked at him with hazy eyes, now a genuine smile creeping on his lips as he lifted his arm to run his fingers through Sehun's hair, the other looking at him with big eyes. 

A smile crept on his face, spreading so wide that he put his head down. He was so happy. And so relieved.

He hadn't made a conscious decision to leave his parents until now. He might never be able to see them again, but if he got to be here with Kai, nothing else mattered.

And the whole night they kept each other close, fell asleep in each other's arms and breathed in each other's smell, never saying another word that might ruin the magic.

***

A month went by. Sehun recovered well and the war tactic planners were finally planning to take back Namseong, the dead station, and take a hold of Isu and Sadang. It would be a military base that protected all the surrounding stations from Red Sun Nation. But it would also be close to the said faction.

Kai was occupied with the war so he didn't have much time left for Sehun. He tried to make up for this, however. One day they were having dinner together at the center of The Hall when Kai suggested something.

"So... You've never been to the Uptoplands? Aside from the tracks?" he asked. Sehun shook his head. The surface was scary, as he had noticed by the things he'd seen on his travels. "How about I take you there?"

"...A-a-are you... s-s-suggesting us to g-g-go d-d-die together?" Sehun wondered, which made Kai utter a laughter.

"No... I can protect you from the mutants. Isn't the first time I've done that..." Kai exclaimed, rolling his eyes playfully. "It's weird that a soldier hasn't been up there though."

"I-i-it's not w-w-weird. I-I wasn't a s-s-scavenger", Sehun explained. Kai hummed.

"Well. You didn't say no to my offer yet", he said, now leaning towards Sehun excitedly. The latter put down his bread and looked down as well. He wanted to go to the surface, but he wasn't sure if he'd come back alive. What if the mutants got him? "So is it a yes?"

"...I-i-if y-y-you protect me", Sehun said with a quiet voice. Kai took a hold of his arm and smiled widely. He was excited about the expedition.

"Of course! Let's get you a gas mask and armor. You know how to shoot, right?" Kai was already planning everything as he stood up, now lending Sehun a hand. The other raised his head and looked at him with eyes that showed his uncertainty.

"I-I-I might be a b-b-bit r-r-rusty..."

"Well, don't worry, I said I'll protect you. I used to be a scout, you see", he said and helped Sehun stand up. "Let's go before the night."

***

After getting geared up, they walked to the highest floor of the station. Kai took a look at Sehun once before they opened the gates and walked the stairs up to the surface.

Sehun couldn't believe his eyes. The first thing he noticed was the downhill of the street. Then he turned to see the park on the left. It was deserted, the trees were naked. It was brown, grey, and... dead.

But the sky... The sky was blue and clear and the sun shone. The sky was alive. And the sun! Sehun only saw it when he went along the tracks that went above ground. He liked sunshine. It was evening already, and the sun was going down, casting a big shadow over the park. Though the building was half to the ground. The road was broken and cars on it were rusty. 

Sehun walked towards the deserted park. Kai followed him there to see what he was doing. But he didn't do anything. Nothing but take in his surroundings.

He fell to the ground, on his knees, and touched the dead earth with his leather gloves. It was... bizarre, to say the least. He looked up to the sky again, to see that the moon was showing its' face. He was dazed.

Kai walked over to him and knelt on the ground as well. Sehun looked at him with a sad look on his face, but still, he was happy.

"One day humanity will rise up to this level again. One day we won't be rats in a maze anymore", Kai exclaimed, trying to give hope to the other one. "And that day, I don't want to see Red Sun Nation ruling this land. It belongs to freedom."

"...Y-y-you've s-s-seen too many A-A-American m-m-movies and b-b-books", Sehun chuckled. Kai rolled his eyes. "B-b-but you h-h-have a point. I-I-I d-d-don't want to see th-them here, either."

"...This world is supposed to be free. But we'll always be slaves of capitalism", Kai said, now looking up at the sky again. The sunset was beautiful, casting the scenery red. Sehun adored the view. He loved everything about it. And the last thing he wanted to do was go back down there, in the subway filled with people. He wanted to stay up here. He wanted to be free. And he wanted to see the rest of South Korea, the once-home.

"W-w-would it be i-i-impossible, for j-j-just the two of u-u-us... to go... a-a-and see the w-w-world?" Sehun wondered. Kai turned to look at him, some hope in his eyes. It made him excited.

"...I've been fighting for this cause for all my life. But I've heard that there are two other factions in the south. Busan and Daegu, both occupied by some others. For all I know, they could be worse... or they could be better", he said with a little bit of faith. 

But those questions were too big to be answered at the moment. All they wanted was a little bit of freedom, a sky above their heads and pure air to breathe. All things that the metro couldn't provide, but what the Uptoplands had once given their ancestors. Born as rats in a maze, they might die like the rats. Or they might die trying to live like their ancestors once did. 


End file.
